2019 is coming to a close. Looking back at my year, I’m pretty confident in saying it was the most challenging one I’ve ever faced.
While it wasn’t a year with marked tragedy, it was a time filled with countless micro battles and hardships. We had to put our first pet down. We had to get legal help on a property issue. We had more little illnesses than I could count. I underwent surgery and recovery with four small children under tow. We remodeled an entire home. Many more small things pounded on the confidence and strength of my heart.
My greatest loss happened in the internal shift of going from the confidence of being able to believe in myself as a fully capable human. I’ve questioned my own decision making skills, my friendships, my desires and my relationship with God more in this year than in all the other years combined.
Every time I turn around, it feels as though humanity has let me down. I have let myself down. Life is not the same exciting jewel to be mined out of every day. The glitter, the sparkle, was gone for me this year.
But God.
“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8
He never fails. He is the one constant. The always. The forever. God has never left me. Not the million and one moments this year that I faced and just wanted to give up. Not during the lows when I chose the path of failure and unkindness. Not when I wanted to cry my eyes out from the overwhelm that was eating me alive.
If you’re overwhelmed with life, or under-whelmed by the place you’re in, I can promise you that He’s there. He sees you. He knows your pain and your burdens. He is a good and faithful God, and He wants to help.
I would not, could not have made it through my million and one struggles this year without Him. I give him all the glory for just being able to type this!
As we gear up for the holiday season, my prayer for you, for me, for all of us, if that we can find Him, enjoy His presence amidst the chaos and busy-ness, and be renewed.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13
